One of the regular things I have encountered in my time in the pastorate is a massive breakdown in communication between children and their parents. Children blindside their parents with massive moral failings or hidden opinions about big questions in life and the parents have no clue as to when or why these things happened. When asked, the parents believe they have a good relationship with their children and can’t for the life of them figure out where things went wrong. When did the child decide that he could no longer confide in his parents? Answers to this question are elusive.
While there can be many factors in such a scenario, I believe one problem that can contribute to this type of failure is a parent’s unwillingness to invest in the child’s small things in life. The disinterest in the small things in life then leads the child to withdraw and cease to communicate with his parents, which means that he does not talk with his parents about the big things in life. For example, I can’t tell you how many mind-numbing conversations I’ve had with my children—I know more about Minecraft that I ever want to know. I know more about Ninjago and Legos that I care to know. And in all honesty, at times, I have a difficult time following the conversation with my children because I have little to no idea what they’re talking about. My wife has had similar experiences. Despite all of the seemingly trivial information, it’s very easy to assume that you can ignore these conversations—to take a, “Come back and let’s talk when you have something important to say”—attitude.
I try to remind myself that we must be willing to invest in my children’s lives and interests—even in the seemingly trivial things. We have to build a base of trust and interest with them in these little things so that when they come to us with bigger questions about life, they’ll know that we will be interested and will talk with them about them. If you only want to address the big problems in life, you won’t have made the investment in the small things—you won’t have established a foundation of trust and interest up front. Under such circumstances, you’ll undoubtedly be ill equipped to communicate meaningfully with your kids.
Think of it this way—what does your child like? What is his favorite color? What is his favorite toy? TV show? Article of clothing? What are his dreams in life? You will pick these things up in the average, mundane, ordinary conversations. It’s in the mundane and ordinary that you will lay that foundation of trust and love that will give you the credibility that you need to have those serious and challenging conversations with your child when it really matters. If our heavenly Father considers every one of our concerns, both big and small, in prayer, should we not listen to our children in all of their concerns, both big and small?