One of the most helpful pieces of advice I received was from a Scottish Presbyterian minister who said: “Always say yes.” He gave his advice in the context of a talk to future pastors and how to handle the various requests that come from people in the church. He recognized that Reformed churches had more requirements than other evangelical churches: catechism, formal church membership, accountability, and when necessary, even church discipline. Other churches have few such practices. Given these many requirements, he believed that Reformed churches had the tendency frequently to say no. He offered the following example:
“Can I have my child baptized?”
“No, you can’t. You’re not a member of the church. So I’m sorry, you can’t have your child baptized.”
He said that such a person would likely walk away disappointed and go to another church that would give him what he wanted. He told his audience there was another way to answer this question.
This minister said in his Scottish brogue, “You can give the same answer by saying yes!” Consider the same question:
“Can I have my child baptized?”
“Why, yes! Of course! There is the issue of your church membership, which we can take care of. We’d be happy to catechize you and have you join the church. When you join, by all means, we can baptize your child at the same time!”
The negative and positive answers both rest on the same principles: the necessity of church membership. And they both give similar answers, but one immediately turns people away whereas the other shows the person you’re interested in them joining and staying. With the positive answer you not only preserve your ecclesiological commitments, but you also encourage the person to join your church. You also open a window to disciple them.
Ever since hearing this advice I have done my best to use it, especially as a pastor. I always have said yes to these types of questions. You have the opportunity either to scare people away or make them feel wanted. You can be scary or inviting. My advice, whether in ministry or life, is always say yes.